Tadpole (x3) and a Toad.

I found this toad on the way up from the community center today. It was really, really awesome. David and I went down there to catch tadpoles (which are also here), and we caught two of them. I can't wait until they're all grown up. Seriously, they're so big! They're already growing their legs in.

But, then again, I'll probably set my toad free after a few days. The tadpoles will have to stay, considering I'll just feed them - like - fish food or something for the next week or so until they're fully grown. They eat that, don't they?

... APPARENTLY SO.

I should probably find a better-suiting home than an apple juice bottle, though. My toad is currently living in a strawberry box - the see through kind with the holes. I put duct tape on the bottom and filled it with rocks and dirt, and even a little pool of water made out of tin foil. I should probably get a better home for it, too. Maybe even fill half of the aquarium with water and the other half with rocks. That would work, right?

Speaking of tadpoles, Jeni had her baby! It was a boy, 7'7'', 20 inches. I was so proud of her, but I haven't gotten to hold the baby yet, so I'm going to go over there tomorrow and talk to her while probably playing with baby, or just holding him. He's so adorable, and probably will be even more awesome since he won't be all red and goobery from the just-been-born thing.

It's so warm out right now, I'm sitting here in a shirt and short-shorts, no shoes and on my laptop looking for a babysitting thing I could manage. I would enjoy doing babysitting, probably about once a week or so, and get paid pretty well for it. I really love kids, too.

Alright, back to finding people who need their kids babysat~

Always, love,
Alex

P.S. -- THERE ARE SO MANY FUCKING BEES OUT HOLY GOD I THINK I'M GOING TO DIE. GO. AWAY. BEES. I DON'T LIKE YOU.

Tadpole! Come out!

Yesterday, I talked with my ex-boyfriend, got some stuff settled, and now I'm at more of a peace. I thanked him and told him that I was happy for him. We talked for about a half an hour after that and then after that, he gave me a ride up to my house and I chilled. I feel a lot better, less stressed.

Right now, my eldest sister, Jeni, is having her baby that is a week overdue. I'm sitting here in St. Lukes Hospital in Duluth, sitting in the waiting room on the Birthing Center floor. God, this is just intimidating. I've been sitting here since 2:45 pm, and I'm just so... Fff. Sick of waiting. I want Tadpole to come out! I want to hold it and just swaddle it and cuddle it and love it. Is that so much to ask?

My sister's mother-in-law's name is Jennifer as well, so we call her Jen. Jen loves to talk. She's been talking the entire day away, and balls. I'm getting so sick of her. I was trying to read earlier and she just kept talking and talking and talking and I got kind of... angry and finally just stuck my nose in my book and read.

I really don't know what I'm going to do... I need to get a job, but I could sell paintings and stuff for a good price. No, it's not very consistent pay, but I would really enjoy doing it. Painting and sketching. Maybe even doing collages and stuff. Masks. c:

Hopefully the baby will come soon and I can work a little more on my book and stories for online.

Always~
Alex

Prosecution

So, yesterday I went to court, and I found out that I only have to do 3-6 months (3 if I'm good) of probation, and only 24 hours of community service. Though the court was a very emotional and dramatic thing, with the mother of the victim being there -- you have to remember, I was good friends with these people for a very long while, and was part of their family. Often times, I liked them more than my own family -- and saying a few words of "she was hurt emotionally, under the skin, and I still care for Alex, and wish for her to have a safe place to go." When I was in bad moods and such, I usually went down there to sit in a certain chair and sulk, or cry. I've been having chronic depression since about when I was 12, 7th grade. Not many people liked me, and I often times didn't try to make any new friends. I found it hard to even talk to teachers without crying. So, I stayed in a shell until about last year, 2010, when I finally realized that people like me, and I can do whatever I want when I get older, no matter what people say and what people tell me. I just had to work hard, and lately, I haven't been living up to my potential.

I'm trying to get a job. I have applications to fill out, but I'm sucking -- badly, at that -- about filling them out. It's almost summer, I'm in the middle of a cold, or strep (I really don't know), and I feel like crap because of stress and friends and school ending in a few days. With finals, more finals and even more finals, my friends and I are paired up and I don't know how I'm going to survive by being sick all the time and not wanting to get anyone sick... For example, one of my friends texted me this morning and told me if I didn't get my ass to school, we were going to fail and it would be all my fault for jeopardizing our grade like that. Hell, I know that. Did she not think I knew that? I didn't come to school today because I couldn't swallow a pill smaller than a pebble, because my tonsils are so swollen that I cough and it feels like I have two tennis balls stuck in the back of my throat. I can't even swallow correctly. Yes, I could have gone to school, but my mom told me to stay home today if I couldn't swallow my Tylenol. I did about an hour ago with some work, but my throat keeps swelling up like a bullfrogs!

I've already watched about 3 episodes of Fruits Basket and planning on watching a movie or reading (maybe even sleeping, but I have an appointment at 1, so maybe not) the last book of Percy Jackson & the Olympians, because I'm almost done with that series... Maybe go around for a walk since it's so green, the summer is coming in so fast. It's already so warm and everything's just blooming... except the flower I keep trying to grow. That's not working so well.

Maybe I'll just watch some Grey's Anatomy or Bones, since I still need to catch up on those shows now that I've caught up on House. -sigh-

That and I need to write... and finish the project that my friend and I have to do... and go to the doctor... and possibly go fishing this afternoon...

Fff. So fucking busy.

Once-in-a-Lifetime Opportunity

Cirque du Soleil: Ovo was amazing. It was humorous, there was a lot of crowd interactions (one of the cricket guys that hold down the net for the Scarab's Flight, the acrobatics show, kept picking at my shoulder like a beast. xD He did it like five times before I realized who it was) and the shows were amazing. My favorite part was the ants and their amazing flipping everything with their feet, including other people. |:

I did go to the Mall of America, got brand new earrings (they were giant seashell ones with owls on them <3) and they reminded me of Athena, so I just had to get them. They were only like, 3.50, too. I only have like, 7 dollars left though. xD Out of thirty, of course. But I can buy a Sub sandwich with that, so I can do that.

I miss everyone back at home, though this trip was amazing, I want to see them really bad. <3

Oh, and it's either allergies or a cold, but I'm dying over here. Snot and crying and more snot and soreness... eugh. It's pretty bad. Anyway, it's my turn to head into the bathroom to pee and change. (:

Le Cirque du Soleil

Tonight, I'm going to Cirque de Soleil in Minneapolis. Right now, I'm in the Country Inn across from the Mall of America, and everyone is taking a lay down before we go explored Ikea and the mall. I'm thinking of grabbing an over shirt or changing before hand so I'm warmer. I'll put pictures up (if I have a camera, or will be able to take pictures) but I have 26 dollars to my name for food and hopefully the show will be worth the 91 dollars my mom spent on me.

I think it is time to go look up Cirque videos on YouTube.

Oh! And my friend Zack sent me this wonderful picture of himself, trying to send it to his boyfriend. Ah, my friends are wonderful. <3

Sims 3

 Aaalrighty. So, I'm still down in the cities, and we didn't go batting today, but we had a ton of fun going around shopping for groceries, and I had the best burger in my life, courteous of my brother!

So, tonight we're babysitting for the two parents as they're out visiting a friend, and Logan's asleep, Emma and mom are watching a movie, so I'm writing, and playing Sims 3. I decided to take a few screenshots for you. <3

David & I in bed

 David & I doing our things

 

David & I being... cute?

 Okay, David, what are you doing?

 

OH MY GOD WE'RE GETTING MARRIED.

Yeah, that's right, I'm the man in this situation. |8

But, um, yeah. xD I love David so much, and we're going to save up our money so we can get a big house for all the kids we're going to have... But first we're going to have one in this house, and I don't know what to name it.

I'll post more picture when the wedding party is going to happen, so expect more pictures. xD

Baby Fever!

My eldest brother and sister-and-law had a baby about two months ago. Today is the first day I have held the baby, Logan. When I held him, he had the hiccups, and he moves so much. It was so wonderful.

Lately, though, I've been so craving babies. Babies, babies, babies! My boyfriend and I just go around, and my sister is pregnant, there's a baby here, everyone on the television has babies, and I ask, "So, when is it my turn?"... He just tells me that our parents would kill us and we DON'T have the money to do that. So, no babies for me. But... It's so tempting. I just want a baby! I might go into a babysitting service or something... I just want to hold babies, tend to babies... It's so nice. They're so small, and SO cute.

Just so you know, I live waaay up on the North Shore, Grand Marais to be specific, and today, and for the weekend, I'm in St. Paul with my siblings and mom. And nephew. <3

I know I haven't been keeping up with a daily blog! But there hasn't been much of anything going on in my life. I will try to do every other day, or at least twice a week! I know none of you guys probably don't care all that much, but still. I would like you to know that.

Alright! I have to go write! (Fuck yeah, I rhymed.)

EDIT, MOMENTS AFTER I POSTED.

This upcoming weekend, (the one in June, not May) I'm going to Cirque de Soleil with my old friends Jill and Emily. I'll take pictures and upload them here!  Okay, NOW, I go write. And see the baby. <3

Glory of Cheesecake

Oh, yes, my dearies, I BAKE!

I often bake to get my feelings out. Oh, goodness. It's so amazing. Well, at least that's what I'm told. I don't like cheesecake, myself, but my boyfriend, his uncle, and grandparents seemed to like it a lot. It was a simple, no-bake recipe, with a wonderful graham cracker crust. I made little cupcakes out of them , too. They were really good, and all I had to do was put them in the freezer for about two hours.

Then I put strawberries on 3 of the 9 that I made. <3 David and I ate one together. I have to say, I did a pretty good job.

Other than that, my day went by pretty smoothly. David pestered me about a large secret of mine. It... it's very secret. It's a secret very dear to me, and I would rather not go into it. It's one of those things that's never been very serious, and it's rather a silly matter, but I still can't help but want to keep it to myself. After 10 years of keeping it to myself? I would rather it stay that way, thank you.

Oh, but today's just been a rush of emotions. I was going to blog earlier, but I need to read Child of War, an online series that I just... ADORE. I love it so much, it's so good. x3 Oh, and I also had to talk to a few of my friends, boyfriend, and my little sister.

Alright, time to go to sleep. x 3 x

Doubled

Yesterday went perfectly. I couldn't have asked for a better day.

In the morning, I woke up and I wrote a blog. After that, I took a shower, and sat around in my underwear for a while, drying my hair with a towel as I wandered around on fanfiction.net and Facebook. Maybe a little Tumblr, too.

Around noon, my mom was scurrying around freakishly fast, making cupcakes and getting ready for my eldest sister's baby shower. She's due in a few weeks. I got dressed in a nice teal turtle neck shirt and pale grey skinnies. Then I tried on a few shoes, deciding that heels wouldn't be good for this occasion. I wore flats.

The entire baby shower was easy to set up, and I even made a few decorations - the unborn baby's nickname is "Tadpole," because my sister is Catfish and my brother-in-law is Bullfrog. Cute right? - out of green fun-foam, making lily pads to go on the tables and around the food. My lily pads looked kind of retarded at first, but I searched the church for some glue, and I found some. After that, I made little lilies out of glue on the things, just to make them look better. Then my mom had some froggie stickers to put on them as well. They were well-decorated.

Once the mother-to-be got there, we played plenty of games - she got there around 1:30, 2 (I can't remember) with my little sister, and that's when the shower began.

Two hours later, around 4, it was time to go fishing. My mom drove me home, went back to the shower, and I got dressed in my crappiest clothes available, just in case I fell in or got them dirty with fish blood or something (I was expecting for him to catch monster fish like the Loch Ness Monster, but nooo, I caught the most fish out of everyone). After that, David came to pick me up. In his grandparents Mercedes. (I think.)

I talked all the way to his house, and we sat around until 6 when his brother came (and farted, like usual. Damn hobo-marshmallow!) and then at 6:21, we left to go to the lake. Not the lake, but a lake out of how-many-ever that we have in Minnesota.

Once we got there, I got to sit on the back of the car, holding the boat on a line so it didn't float away, but the damned trailer floated, so it took a lot more time to get David's (hand-crafted) boat into the water. That, and his little put-put car could hardly get it out of the water. It was funny... to me, anyway.

I do have a fear of sinking, though. Sinking and drowning.

... But to get to the point, David and I caught 6 fish together. I caught 4. I named them all. (Spike, Leopold, Gilbert, Shirley, Blokeh and Geraldine.)

On the way back... we talked. That's the best part about yesterday. We talked. Like, really talked.

It makes me happy to know I can just talk to someone.

Thank you, David, because I know you're going to be reading this.

Prom & Fishing

I refuse to go to prom. Prom is gay. xD

It is a gambling/Las Vegas theme, and there will be small amount of controlled gambling, all that other shizz... But that's just stupid. About two months ago, my boyfriend and I looked at each other and we decided that we did not want to go to prom. Prom, as I said before, is gay.

Other than that, here in Minnesota, it is fishing opener. That means that all the lakes in Minnesota (all ten thousand of them) are open for fishing. We decided to do that instead.

So, today, after my pregnant sister's baby shower, I am going to go fishing until 10 pm, catching tons of fish. Maybe. I kind of suck at fishing, and have only caught about five fish in my entire lifetime... so this shall be interesting. I'm not looking forward to embarrassing myself in front of my boyfriend, but there has been worse. He's seen my lady parts, I don't think he's going to think I'm going to be a freak for not liking the taste of fish and freaking out when I have a fish on the line.

Wow, this shall be interesting. *O*

Oh, also, last night, I had a fit. A depression fit. It wasn't fantastic... at all. I painted out my feelings, and I also went for a walk. It sucked, hard. It was very uncomfortable for me to do anything, and I felt like burying myself in a hole and never coming out again. It was a down night, and my boyfriend was worried about me. I said "I'm sorry" when I snapped at him, so I'm planning on keeping it to myself next time. I mean, it's not like I'm going to do anything overly stupid.

... Right?

Update #1

"Updates" will be journals on how I feel - if you don't like hearing about teenage depression/if it makes you angry, turn back now. It's gonna be pretty bad/sappy.

Lately, my boyfriend David has been coming over to see how I've been doing, since I've been sick two days out of the week already: Monday and today. He is... too perfect. I'm not worried about him cheating, or being a complete bastard, he's nice and he knows what he's doing in everything he does, he's a virgin, he doesn't care what I look like, or if I'm sick, he offers me rides in the morning, he's good to both my parents, he's favored by my sisters to my previous boyfriend by a lot, he would do anything for me. You know that song "Grenade" by whoever? Yeah. Yeah, he would do anything for me.

And what do I do for him?

I get in trouble with the police. I don't realize quickly enough that I'm hurting his feelings by talking/being too friendly with my other guy friends, so that he has to step in and intervene, tell me what I'm doing wrong. I don't go to school because I get sick because I don't take care of myself. I complain about how I look. I dress like crap because it's comfortable. I feel so uncomfortable in my skin and tell him every day that I'm gross and don't like myself.

And every day, whenever I tell him those things, he always tells me I'm beautiful, and he always tells me I deserve all that he gives me, all that he does for me.

Damn it all, I wish I could believe him. Sometimes, I just want to force myself into this, into his caring arms. All I can do, though, is just want to return to my lonely hole, with not a single smiling-David-face around. He's like, sunlight, and I'm like a vampire. It just doesn't work.

But I want it to work, so badly. I just... eugh, he's so perfect. He's the betterment I've always wanted, and now that I have it, I realize how comfortable the suffering has gotten. I feel better in his arms, but I feel at home, alone in my bed at night. I guess... I will have to learn to get used to it, slowly, baby steps. Ya'know?

Gods, this is going to be really tough.

I've Been Better

Then again, I've also been worse.

Today, I'm staying home sick because I puked this morning. Ooh, that sucked. My sister won't even touch me now, which is hilarious to tease her about, but other than that, it's quite sucking to be me at this moment in time.

At this time, I am riding a sheep. On Harvest Moon: Animal Parade. And his/her name is Killer.

I'm a boss.

A boss that is totally addicted to this game.

Pond

David and I went up to these two giant pinds today.

We saw a duck.

And saw Lucy, a dog.

And deer.

Oh, and we also took my dog for a walk.

Yep, that's about it.

Where do you like to go to relax?

Can't Deny Mr. Foxie

My favorite animal, and why:

My favorite animal is the snow leopard, because it's one of the rarest cats, and it reminds me of me, because it lives in the middle of fucking no where with lots of snow. <3

Last night, my boyfriend and my friend came over (the friend slept over, happily) and we drove around, went to the playground, the baseball field, and drove around... everywhere. Then, we went up my hill and watched the stars as we laid on my boyfriend's shitty VW, manual, 1990-something car. But, it was warm, and it was nice, so it wasn't so bad, I guess. Actually, it was one of the best nights (sleeping-wise as well) I've had since I've come back.

He went to his uncle's, who lives in town, so he could come over earlier to help me put up my shelves, like we had planned earlier this week. So, he should be here any time soon, while Leah is still asleep. She's taken my favorite pillow and my second-softest blanket and decided that she'll sleep until noon if she pleases.

I really don't mind. She's adorable when she sleeps.

My little sister is up and moving, and Leah seems to be awake now, so I must get my cover-up on after I wash my hair (because, fuck, do I ever need it) and possibly even shave. But, oh well, Emma just went into the bathroom. She'll be out in a second, I hope. She takes showers during the night on the weekends.

Also, last night starting around 10:30, we started watching Fantastic Mr. Fox, and amazing story that is my second favorite of all time. My first is Fight Club. We got finished with it around midnight, and that's when David (boyfriend) left to go to his uncle's. And that's when I went to bed

But now, I have to go take a shower.

What is your favorite Girl Scout cookie?

Chocolate Bunnies

The answer to the question last post: 

9.

Today I'm hanging out with my friend Leah, and she's eating all of my Easter candy. But, I am letting her, because I love her and missed her so much on my "adventure". She and I usually do this, where we sit around, watch movies, and be on our computers drawing together or writing. But I can't say it's not fun.

At school earlier, it was another fantastic, yet draining, day. But, I came back to my house with my sisterly lover and my boyfriend gave us a ride, and now we plan to go make bracelets after we go get the supplies. I can't wait.

Another question! I shall make this a thing:

What is your favorite animal, and why?

Back from Hell

Hello, again;

Another day and more opportunities to be found, conquered, etc.

I just got back from a Juvenile Detention Center, two days ago, and it was my first day at school today. I won't say names, or my trial and such, but I will try to keep up with this diary type thing. I'll post pictures of drawings, do a bit of quotes now and then, book critiques, and more.

But for now, I will leave you with a gentle, incoherent question:

6/2(1+2) = ...

One or nine?