Prom & Fishing

I refuse to go to prom. Prom is gay. xD

It is a gambling/Las Vegas theme, and there will be small amount of controlled gambling, all that other shizz... But that's just stupid. About two months ago, my boyfriend and I looked at each other and we decided that we did not want to go to prom. Prom, as I said before, is gay.

Other than that, here in Minnesota, it is fishing opener. That means that all the lakes in Minnesota (all ten thousand of them) are open for fishing. We decided to do that instead.

So, today, after my pregnant sister's baby shower, I am going to go fishing until 10 pm, catching tons of fish. Maybe. I kind of suck at fishing, and have only caught about five fish in my entire lifetime... so this shall be interesting. I'm not looking forward to embarrassing myself in front of my boyfriend, but there has been worse. He's seen my lady parts, I don't think he's going to think I'm going to be a freak for not liking the taste of fish and freaking out when I have a fish on the line.

Wow, this shall be interesting. *O*

Oh, also, last night, I had a fit. A depression fit. It wasn't fantastic... at all. I painted out my feelings, and I also went for a walk. It sucked, hard. It was very uncomfortable for me to do anything, and I felt like burying myself in a hole and never coming out again. It was a down night, and my boyfriend was worried about me. I said "I'm sorry" when I snapped at him, so I'm planning on keeping it to myself next time. I mean, it's not like I'm going to do anything overly stupid.

... Right?

Update #1

"Updates" will be journals on how I feel - if you don't like hearing about teenage depression/if it makes you angry, turn back now. It's gonna be pretty bad/sappy.

Lately, my boyfriend David has been coming over to see how I've been doing, since I've been sick two days out of the week already: Monday and today. He is... too perfect. I'm not worried about him cheating, or being a complete bastard, he's nice and he knows what he's doing in everything he does, he's a virgin, he doesn't care what I look like, or if I'm sick, he offers me rides in the morning, he's good to both my parents, he's favored by my sisters to my previous boyfriend by a lot, he would do anything for me. You know that song "Grenade" by whoever? Yeah. Yeah, he would do anything for me.

And what do I do for him?

I get in trouble with the police. I don't realize quickly enough that I'm hurting his feelings by talking/being too friendly with my other guy friends, so that he has to step in and intervene, tell me what I'm doing wrong. I don't go to school because I get sick because I don't take care of myself. I complain about how I look. I dress like crap because it's comfortable. I feel so uncomfortable in my skin and tell him every day that I'm gross and don't like myself.

And every day, whenever I tell him those things, he always tells me I'm beautiful, and he always tells me I deserve all that he gives me, all that he does for me.

Damn it all, I wish I could believe him. Sometimes, I just want to force myself into this, into his caring arms. All I can do, though, is just want to return to my lonely hole, with not a single smiling-David-face around. He's like, sunlight, and I'm like a vampire. It just doesn't work.

But I want it to work, so badly. I just... eugh, he's so perfect. He's the betterment I've always wanted, and now that I have it, I realize how comfortable the suffering has gotten. I feel better in his arms, but I feel at home, alone in my bed at night. I guess... I will have to learn to get used to it, slowly, baby steps. Ya'know?

Gods, this is going to be really tough.

I've Been Better

Then again, I've also been worse.

Today, I'm staying home sick because I puked this morning. Ooh, that sucked. My sister won't even touch me now, which is hilarious to tease her about, but other than that, it's quite sucking to be me at this moment in time.

At this time, I am riding a sheep. On Harvest Moon: Animal Parade. And his/her name is Killer.

I'm a boss.

A boss that is totally addicted to this game.

Can't Deny Mr. Foxie

My favorite animal, and why:

My favorite animal is the snow leopard, because it's one of the rarest cats, and it reminds me of me, because it lives in the middle of fucking no where with lots of snow. <3

Last night, my boyfriend and my friend came over (the friend slept over, happily) and we drove around, went to the playground, the baseball field, and drove around... everywhere. Then, we went up my hill and watched the stars as we laid on my boyfriend's shitty VW, manual, 1990-something car. But, it was warm, and it was nice, so it wasn't so bad, I guess. Actually, it was one of the best nights (sleeping-wise as well) I've had since I've come back.

He went to his uncle's, who lives in town, so he could come over earlier to help me put up my shelves, like we had planned earlier this week. So, he should be here any time soon, while Leah is still asleep. She's taken my favorite pillow and my second-softest blanket and decided that she'll sleep until noon if she pleases.

I really don't mind. She's adorable when she sleeps.

My little sister is up and moving, and Leah seems to be awake now, so I must get my cover-up on after I wash my hair (because, fuck, do I ever need it) and possibly even shave. But, oh well, Emma just went into the bathroom. She'll be out in a second, I hope. She takes showers during the night on the weekends.

Also, last night starting around 10:30, we started watching Fantastic Mr. Fox, and amazing story that is my second favorite of all time. My first is Fight Club. We got finished with it around midnight, and that's when David (boyfriend) left to go to his uncle's. And that's when I went to bed

But now, I have to go take a shower.

What is your favorite Girl Scout cookie?